If you vote for me, I’ll buy you a rainbow

Yes, it is shameless self-promotion. And, no, I don’t really get anything if I win. But titles like “Top 25 Military Mom Bloggers” are really compelling to the people who are waiting (but just don’t know it yet) to publish my book. And, I’ve started (but haven’t finished) six of them now. But maybe having a few cool titles on my book proposal will be just the thing to twist the arms of those publishers who will, in turn, allow me to expose the reading-public-who-don’t-bother-trolling-the-internet to my illuminating world view and innumerable witticisms. Maybe. And then I’ll have a best seller. And then I’ll be on “The Today Show” and then, and then. And then my kids will get to retire the PJs they outgrew two years ago and will no longer have to listen to me telling them that capris and midriffs are the “in” thing in children’s sleepwear. And then Hollywood will come calling and pay me mucho dinero to make my book into a film. Beyonce will play me, of course. (Yes, I know she is black. And, yes, I know I am shockingly white – despite it being summertime. But my body is really just too bootylicious for me to be portrayed by a white actress. Besides, I thought this was the post-racial age, right? Y’all are all racists. And Hubs? He’ll be played by, umm, Channing Tatum. (I had to Google “young Hollywood male actors” to come up with that because I only go to, like, one movie a year and I have no idea who the young stars are now, and Channing Tatum is the only one I recognized in the search results. What? You thought I’d say Brad Pitt? George Clooney? Russell Crowe? Well, I thought about it – but I didn’t want to show my age.) Hubs will no longer let me post his pic on this blog. Something about OPSEC. So you’re just going to have to take my word for it — he’s really hot. Like smokin’ hot. Like makin’ babies hot. Which is why we have three… It will all make sense when you see the movie. But first I have to put it in the book, which means the book has to be finished, which means I need someone to say they’re going to publish it, which means — Oh, for the love of Nutella, just give the Pig the damn Pancake and vote for me by clicking this ridiculously self-explanatory button.

Oh, and, um, THANKS!

1 thought on “If you vote for me, I’ll buy you a rainbow

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